Blood and Malls

The mall: That big white box that usually has no architectural value and sticks out like an eyesore. I love it more than most people, but less than I love watching Jeopardy. I never fully understood the appeal the mall had for me. Yes, it’s filled with stores, has clothes, sales, perfumes, shoes and things I need and want but that’s not why I like it.

There are a couple reasons why I like the mall. I like the mall because it’s like a casino for younger folk. No clocks, always the same temperature, you could spend hours in it and they always place the food court and washrooms in hard to locate areas. If the mall served alcohol I could only imagine how crowded it would be. When I go to the mall I usually don’t buy anything at all; partially because I’m indecisive and partially because I spend the majority of the time people-watching. I once saw a lady in the mall wearing head-to-toe denim. She was so proud of her jean ensemble. Just beaming! I laughed a bit on the inside when I saw her but mostly felt jealous of her commitment to one type of fabric.

Living in a suburban area there wasn’t much to do. There was one mall, one library that had stacks of large-print Daniel Steel books and retirement homes as far as the eye could see. My idea of fun was going to the mall food court and eating crepes after school. I was a wild-child. I guess that’s another reason why I have such an affinity for the mall. All the memories I have of it. I remember when I was 12 I would go into Music World and think the people that worked there were too-cool-for-school. They all had shaggy hair and band t-shirts. They acted indifferent and slouched. I later realized they were your typical teenagers, but to a 12 year old suburban nerd they were top-drawer (people still say top-drawer? This is 1930?).

I went to the mall today. I didn’t buy anything. I walked around and talked to my younger brother. It was amazing.

You know what else I like: giving blood. I just like watching it shoot out. It’s amazing. I don’t like watching other people give blood but I like seeing my own blood.

Welcome to the O.C. Bitch

Pretty jazzed about the video game Animal Crossing: City Folks. I understand that it is directed at kids ages 8-12 but I delight in catching fish and collecting fruits. My house (in the video game) is empty and my avatar has no friends. I’m positive I’m not playing the game the way it is intended to be played but I’ve never been one to follow video game directions. To illustrate my point I’ll talk about my experience with the game The Sims. One is supposed to create a character (or a few) and find them a job so they can make money and improve their house. Your Sim can develop skills. They can become good cooks, play music and work out to become more athletic. You need to make other Sim friends, go to work every day, pay the bills and feed your Sims. Well, let’s just say I took the directions on how to play The Sims as a suggestion rather than must-follow rules.

The way I played the Sims involved a lot of cheating and a lot of decorating. In the Sims expansion pack you can type in ‘rosebud’ and instantly make your Sim 1,000 simolians (dollars). So, I did this until my Sim was a millionaire in order to build a wicked house with amazing furniture. I’d spend hours coordinating wallpaper and carpet. I’d arrange furniture and make guest bedrooms Oprah would want to stay in. After designing the perfect home I would usually kill my Sim. No Joke. My Sim would sometimes drown but most of the time the Sim would burn in the kitchen. I would try to cook in the kitchen but because I didn’t develop cooking skills or install a fire alarm the stove would go up in flames and my Sim with it. My Sim would then become a ghost and haunt anyone who came to visit. After about 30 seconds (give or take) of this I’d demolish my house and start over again. Sounds boring? It wasn’t. It was awesome.

Animal House minus Kevin Bacon

Now for something completely different…
The reason for the picture is that I have been watching some of my favorite Simpsons episodes and most of them involve Mr. Burns.

Important note: Kevin Bacon's middle name is Norwood. Norwood?

In Search of Angel Witch

In search of Angel Witch. Sounds like some kind of Disney movie that would star an 8-year old Dakota Fanning. It would be about a young orphaned girl who would travel to an enchanted lake to summon the Angel Witch to bring her mother back to life. This is not at all what Angel Witch is about, but I can dream.

Angel Witch is a heavy metal band that I thoroughly enjoy. They formed in the late 70’s and have been producing some bad-ass music. I always feel like a tool when I say bad-ass. Well, I have one of Angel Witch’s albums, Screamin’ n’ Bleedin’, but this CD doesn’t compare to their self-titled album. How could I not want an album called Angel Witch by the band Angel Witch where the first song on the album is called Angel Witch? And get this, the chorus, wait for it… “You're an angel witch, you're an angel witch/You're an angel witch, you're an angel witch” Really? It’s so simple and that is why I love it. No sugar-coated, metaphor-drenched, overwrought or over-thought out lyrics. I appreciate it for its simplicity.

For the last 6 months I have been on the hunt for this album. I’ve visited 4 HMV’s, Sonic Boom and Rotate This and no luck. I decided to finally ask the dude at Rotate This to order the album for me even though I absolutely hate ordering things. I don’t like giving stores my phone number and then waiting for them to call me when they have it in. It means that I always have to have my phone on and they’ll likely call at the most inopportune time…like when the world is ending or when I’m having dinner with friends. I’m desperate though. They have my number and they have my information. I mean, Joe Nobody could walk into the store off the street and ask for the numbers of all the people waiting for CD’s and then proceed to call them and find out where they live and kill them. Yes I’m talking death. This situation is unlikely but you can’t spell unlikely without likely, which therefore makes the situation is extremely likely and therefore definite. That's my logic and I'm sticking to it.

Soon I will have the CD in my hands. I look very forward to it. This post makes me seem like a square. Do people say square? Probably not.

Dressed like an extra on My So Called Life

What I want: a studded denim jacket and a braided bracelet.

What I REALLY want!

I see it. I want it. The weather might be against it, but I want it. I’ve always wanted to be an urban lumberjack. Is there any question that I have no fashion sense? I definately do not have a fashion sense. Scratch that. I don’t have a GOOD fashion sense.

Speaking of fashion…lately my clothing choice has been dictated by smell. I have been busy (lazy) and have mounds of laundry to wash so if my clothes smell clean then I wear them, if they don’t they remain in a mound.

Back To The Future

It’s all coming back to me now. I am being flooded with memories. Two people from my past made a sudden appearance in my future. Yes indeed I am talking about Susan Powter and Stuart Anderson.

Who are these wonderful people? Susan Powter is a fitness instructor, nutritionist, platinum haired goddess and Stuart Anderson is one part Scottish singer and 99 parts amazing.
Anyway, I was recently perusing the web and stumbled upon the website http://everythingisterrible.blogspot.com/ (Everythingisterrible) and clicked on a video about a woman grocery shopping. That woman was Susan Powter. For some reason she looked familiar. In order to satisfy my curiosity I searched her on imdb.com and realized that she was in an episode of Fresh Prince that I saw years ago.

I went back to Everythingisterrible and discovered yet another nostalgic gem. One Mr. Stuart Anderson. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6qoQ7UvEBk&feature=related How is this Scottish darling related to my past? Well, years ago, I’m talking 15 years ago my older brother Jordan was on the local news during Christmas. They were asking kids what they wanted to be when they were older. The segment that my brother was a part of wasn’t on until the end of the news program but my mom had taped the program in its entirety. One of the stories covered during the news was about Stuart Anderson. I can barely understand what he’s singing but that won’t stop me from loving his music.

Ferris Bueller's Classroom

I have gotten into a routine. I wake up every day at 8:35am. If I sleep in any longer I start to get the symptoms of restless leg syndrome (Wikipedia it). I watch about an hour of television; half an hour dedicated to Glutton for Punishment and half an hour for Taking it Off. I don’t particularly like the show Taking it Off but that doesn’t stop me from watching it every morning. The rest of the day is an overall bore composed of monotonous tasks. I read, I draw, I take a mid-afternoon nap, I check fourfour.com, I pet my cats and I study (a tiny bit).

By the time it hits 5pm I make my way to the couch to watch Compass, which is Prince Edward Islands News channel. I don’t live in P.E.I. nor do I ever plan to. It’s like Canada’s equivalent of Florida; you go there for a vacation or to retire. Yet, I am a faithful watcher of Compass. Following Compass I usually play a rousing game of scrabble. It’s typically just my cousin and I playing against each other. To further emphasize how pathetic I am I had to pay my little brother five dollars to play one game of scrabble. This is no joke. I literally paid him. At least it got him away from World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft…yeah I don’t get it. The whole role-playing computer game thing seems like it would lead to an adult-life where one would not be satisfied in the bedroom unless their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend were dressed as an elf or warlock. World of Warcraft and 4chan. I don’t get it.

Yesterday at 9:30pm Kelly texted me to go out with her. 9:30pm on a Wednesday I am in my pajamas watching Supersize vs. Superskinny (or Superskinny vs. Supersize). Beside it being the middle of the week and the fact that I was in my pajamas I also had a bowl of oatmeal and it wasn’t sitting in my stomach right. I don’t really know where I’m going with this but compared to most people my life seems as dull as ditch water.

So whatchu gonna go about it Willis? I don’t know? I guess I could be more productive. I do have some summer plans. Make a film, take some photos, mail the 7 gifts that have been sitting on my dresser for the last month and a half. I think for the next two week, for my own purposes, I am going to eat the same thing for breakfast lunch and dinner. I’ll probably get sick of it after two days.